I gave it with pleasure

The eyes do not lie in my case. On 26 August 2017, I took my self-portrait with the Canon PowerShot A630, which I received from a shroomer-friend in February that year and which has once again become a useful tool for me. I have always appreciated the useful, the good, the beautiful. This will not change, as I was born with such a nature. In 2017, I came across a book that sparked a sense of local patriotism in me. I have leafed through the 'Körös-Sárréti útikalauz' several times with amazement. Published in 1984, it was worked on by several local experts in collaboration with nature walkers. I was only six years old in the year it was published, but living in a small flat in a panel apartment I wanted a lot to go and explore outdoor, and when I first visited Póstelek on a school trip in May, I was captivated by its green atmosphere. As long as the hot, dry summers and low precipitation winters (no snow cover!) of climate change didn't start to visibly damage the vegetation, it was a joy to explore the green and see the sights. I loved adding to the blog.

All photos in this article are from six years earlier. The 'Mályvádi hike' takes you right around 'Kétkörösköz', my mushroom "kingdom", which has now changed considerably and gone into decline. In my photo how big the green is and how small the people are! It expresses well our dependence on nature, which surrounds us and provides us with all the good things we need to live. I will have to watch the decline of green that will inevitably reach us and cause us considerable hardship, ultimately caused by our irresponsible use of the land and other blind acts for our own comfort. But I've already written about this several times, this one is on a different subject. That I loved what I did. My green mission was true and I gave it my all. The heyday of the blog was between 2012-2017. Just scroll through the archives and you'll find dozens of articles about the amazing fungi. It was exciting to research mushrooms offline and online and share more and more interesting facts about them.

Here, for example, is the chicken of the woods Laetiporus sulphureus, a fierce eater of trees, but its fruiting bodies are a special treat in the state shown in my photo. Unfortunately, it was on the other side of a ditch, out of reach. I have often eaten them gently precooked and then breaded. This is another good memory, as vivid as if it had just happened today. It is normal I feel a grief. At the end of 2022, I stopped actively mushrooming because I realised that climate change was dealing a fatal blow to my green mission. I haven't found my new job yet, drifting in one place and clinging to another dream that has also haunted me since childhood, storytelling. Of course, I can't stay like this, because I literally crush myself and am simply killed by the duality of learned helplessness and grief. I've also written a few times about the Hungarian mentality, that we are an abusive wreck of a society, incapable of dialogue, truth-telling, real struggle and action shoulder to shoulder. I have confronted the pattern that has been beaten into me, jumped over my shadow when I spoke out for mushrooms, and organized a small community and led many, many tours in addition to writing articles.

It was a warm summer day six years ago, but today there is a third-degree heat alert, with temperatures of up to 38 degrees Celsius in the shade here and there in the county. This heat is too much for our native trees, they are dying in droves. Many of our favourite fungi live in association with trees, and when tree partners dies, so does the fungus. It is very depressing to see the decline. I have not been able to stand in the way of the inevitable, because as a human being I am part of a civilisation that has taken a heavy toll on nature. Confused, I spin around, wondering what I should do, how best to stick to my principles and save myself, so that I can do something bigger for the mushrooms. I need to go higher up the spiral, not staring into the abyss, but upwards, setting a new goal. I did so many things, I really jumped my shadow when I am an introvert with avoidant personality disorder, but I went out to give lectures on mushrooms. When one realizes a truth, how precious nature is, how it gives us life, then fear is surpassed by awe. One must not forget that one has a larger part and responsibility for life. Recognizing this makes us more than what is instilled in us by an oppressive system that needs unwitting puppets (consumers). This is also a topic I have written about several times and is not part of my current writing.

Also in 2017, the clayey black soil of the county dried very quickly in the hot weather. The small fruiting body of the ruby bolete Hortiboletus rubellus emerged from the cracked soil, showing us an example of perseverance. Mushrooms have an impressive vitality. I know for a fact that they can survive a man-made climate disaster. Climate change is a very serious threat to higher organisms and to us. Even I can't fully grasp the magnitude of the problem, just enough of what I see happening locally and in the nearby mountains. They also make me panic to add to my personal problems. It's a crisis that either spurs you to strong action that takes you to a higher level, or consumes you prematurely. Anyway, I know what I want to do, but stepping out into the world alone has never been an easy feat. But early time I jumped over my own shadow, I proved by action that there is more to me than I think, trembling with fear. For these videos, I also had to face fear hard, and although I didn't always win, the videos I made show that I triumphed over learned inertia on several occasions. Life is a struggle, how could it be otherwise, when the universe is shaped by incredible forces against which man must stand. Fungi are also wonderful survivors, and humans have everything they need to live fully and preserve life. I couldn't conclude the local section of my green mission with a better closing sentence: be good, love mushrooms and do what you can for life, so that there is a future for humanity.