"Magic in the air"

The truth is that I'm not mentally well at all, because I had some traumas in several stages of my childhood, which caused some minor or major dysfunctions in my nervous system. On a better late than never basis, I found schema therapy, one of the national literature of which was published in 2021 and is right here on my desk. I discovered the avoidant personality disorder first in myself, then I'm at the point where I'm head-scratching in front of my neurotic punitive parenting mode that openly wishes me dead. Being with such a cruel "voice" in the mind is not only overwhelming, it is stressful as hell.
For so many years, it was the dreaming that kept me alive, and how the mind began to create concrete heroes in night dreams that miraculously transformed the distressing reality into a story with a possible solution to the tormenting conflict through the hero. There is no consolation in the saying that "every cloud has a silver lining", because it would have been really good to spare, among other things, the insanely high anxiety. Then there's also the fact that if you've been thoroughly mentally beaten over the head by others, your odd behaviour is later identified with you and you're simply labelled a fool. And from this comes further anguish (injury).
Well, I hope you understand now where my strange attitude towards people and life comes from. It's not pessimism, but lessons learned from experience. I try to get rid of my shemas as quickly as possible because I wasted too much time on them. It would be nice to finally see my true personality, because my heroes show that I'm quite different. 

Rabbit-hearted Merwil was my first adult hero in January 2002. Well, yes, I was 24 in the prime of my life and he gave me a crazy adventure, my hero who I've loved ever since, who can always make me laugh because he's the joy of life incarnate in me, with whom strange and absurd things always happen. And I, as an observer of his adventures, laugh with him. It would be nice to have a friend like him in real life, but I have yet to find one there. But his story has a serious dramatic basis, otherwise what happens to him later would not be so amusing and ironic. I learned a lot from my traumas. They form the black stone foundation of my personality, like a dark tomb where ivy has grown and birds nest in the green and dandelions grow around it on the ground and sometimes a light breeze brings sweet scents and the sun shines on it, but the stench of rot and death is still there. Never believe me, I'll make you laugh, only to find I've given you an emotional low blow. Even in the midst of the most hilarious tomfoolery, I am aware that brutality is part of human nature and that all hell can break loose at any moment. Oh, my traumas didn't make me a fool, they made me a wise human. 
Ah, but now I'm having a great time. In the midst of all this shit, bringing my heroes to life, making them visible, is a sweet delight that drops a serotonin bomb on my mind.
Clicking on the third link in the post, Merwil mentions a children's story that I created a song for using AI. It gets much better. This is the first attempt. Okay, I just want to create for the rest of my life. There's been enough tears, misery, anguish, pointless torture. I want joy more than anything, and to resolve my conflicts through storytelling.