If you thought that I don't know hell on earth and that it doesn't appear in my stories, you have read the reviews of my previous stories quite superficially, even though the cruelty of human existence is hidden in all of them.
I know very well what a person is capable of, even if he doesn't really want to do harm, he just amuses himself and others at the expense of a third party. When I was six years old, I listened with my jaw dropped as my parents shared with me, we was to my grandparents were during family lunch that my grandfather found me so ugly (I was born prematurely) that he declared that the baby was not his blood and that it should be taken back to the hospital. I was a small child who depended on those around me for everything. And then I was taught that I could not trust them at all. Well, I was very grateful for the valuable lesson. It was a trauma that first hit me. The other kind of "funny thing" about me was that my grandmother thought of me, since I only started talking at the age of three, that I was stupid and should be taken to a doctor. My parents shared this with me in such a good mood, because luckily I became a very talkative little girl. I probably understood perfectly well that my grandmother hurt me, and I ended up talking to my family, who turned out to be not very trustworthy. It is a powerful trauma for a small child when she realizes that she is in a completely confused situation and cannot trust anyone, because she cannot know why the hurt comes from those she relies on.
Then my uncertain mental state made me an ideal subject for more easy bullying at school. Oh, my happy childhood years. I think if I add up the number of hours spent crying, I have cried for a whole year in my life.
How did I stay alive and keep my sanity when my peace of mind was lost forever?
A little interlude, I must have saved a human's life when I was a teenager. I was with her all night, I followed her, I spoke, and my speak was about my stories, the hope that I would be recognized as a writer. It is keeps me alive and that's why I don't kill myself. Yes, my contemporary was preparing to commit suicide, which I perceived as a traumatized youth and did not leave her alone. (Not incidentally, she was raped by a relative.)
One learns very quickly that the home is the first small battlefield of life. There is no love, we shamelessly use each other. This is such a painful experience that I prefer to avoid it and not hurt out with anyone. If I do offend someone, I try to apologize and clarify the situation. I've seen so much shit that I don't want to increase the filth.
By the way, we can beautify with gracious lies what is actually dirtier than a two-week-old water corpse and smile fondly at each other, while in our heads approx. we are committing genocide. I know the laws of nature well, man is no kinder, living things eat living things, people eat people in the urban jungle. Of course, our teeth ache not for each other's flesh, but for our resources. Great infernal gorging masked by a good-natured play. Haha, amazing. And they also believed that a child could not see through it all very quickly. It's unfortunate that it takes time for a person to acquire their battle armor and weapons.
If you can't follow, it doesn't bother me.
I choose my people carefully.
Let it be a little story, if that calms you down.
'You still alive, Aurin' she said to the feather.
The blue feather shook and shine up.
Her heart was jumped. Four years had passed and Aurin is alive! For a few seconds, she was gazing at the light of hope. Alarmed, she tucked it back into her rags. No one must see it, not even by chance! She was the only one who had faith that the boy would return and fulfil the promise of the pegasus, lift the curse the humans had brought upon themselves by slaying the sacred creature.
'Come back to me', she whispered to the feather hidden on her chest.
Four years earlier, when they were both nine years old, the villagers had had enough of the futile agony of waiting for a miracle. The boy did nothing but run around naked, flapping his little wings and bringing them herbs, climbing impossible places on sunny hillsides where no one else could reach.
'He's a cute little mutt' the bitter people murmured behind his back. And one day, hatred fuelled by frustration erupted.
Una ran pale out of the village to warn the boy, who was looking for herbs and eggs on the hillside. For all his strangeness, Aurin was trying to please the villagers and be useful to them. But the people wanted more, they wanted the promise to be fulfilled, the mountains to be opened and the to be free! Let the curse that had locked them in the dying valley where the last pegasus was slain be lifted. Because that's why the holy beast touched Eve, that's why he gave life.
'The child is ours! The promise! We are hungry! Let us eat him! He is healthy! Just like Eve and Una, his mother and the little girl he is always with. Of course he helps them!'
They didn't know, they didn't understand that Aurin was trying to help them with his weak strength, but his healing power couldn't penetrate their hatred.
Una, terrified, begged the boy to run away, the villagers went mad.
Aurin heard and saw the people approaching, and in their hands were knives with stone blades and many stones.
'Mum,' he whispered in alarm. 'They listen to Mum.'
Una shook her head.
'They want to kill you!' She couldn't say out what else she had overheard. She cried. She hugged him.
'Call the lord of valley. Save yourself!'
'What about you and Mum?'
'They won't hurt us. I'll be safe.'
'You are lying', Aurin said quietly.
A stone flew towards them.
Aurin hugged Una to him. And opened his wings. He flapped with all his might. He tried the impossible, as he couldn't even lift his own body weight into the sky with his evolving wings!
Una cried.
'No, you fool, You can't. I know. Call the lord of the valley! He will save you. You are the son of the pegasus. He will listen to you.'
More stones flew towards them, clattering closer and closer in the dust.
Aurin hugged Una even tighter and cried out.
'The lord of the valley, let me fulfil the promise!'
And over the mountains the grey clouds moved, the wind rose and brought the smell of rain. The semigod heard the plea and fulfilled him part of the miracle. The wind surrounded the boy, but the girl, she was heavy.
Una pinched Aurin's arm, and he released her. As the girl flopped to the ground, the wind caught him like a flake and lifted him into the sky, far, far away, beyond the mountains.
Aurin cried out in vain, his voice drowned out by the whistling of the wind, and he wept in vain."
Note: This track with its lyrics absolutely hit me, because that's exactly what happened to me, only I don't make demons, I make heroes. Although there is a demon in one of my stories as a symbolic element.
Disappointment, pain, sorrow, and I could list the heavy feelings that I carry inside me under my armor. Over the decades, I went from something soft and defenseless to something else. I learned many valuable lessons, not only bad ones, but also some good ones, because I kept doing my things. And in the process, my mind made heroes out of my traumas. 'Heart of Pegasus' can also be analyzed so beautifully.
The lord of the valley has spoken.
'You have come to beg for the lives of your people and to offer your own for the blood that has been spilled. For what they have done, I have not the forgiveness. But you are innocent. I give you life, that they gain liberation through it. There will be no other escape from the valley. Here your people will die if they do not understand the meaning of my gift.'
And with his horn he touched her, and then melted into the blue of the sky, on which grey clouds were pouring. The mountains in the distance were rumbling and drawing closer together, while the earth was shaking.
The shouts of men and the screams of women and the cries of children could be heard in the distance.
Eve placed both hands on her belly. She received a blessing from the holy beast, and in the midst of the chaos she wept with the joy."
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