I want something really useful for Christmas

"Gabriel, the madness prince was in hiding, asking for a blessing, but his father's sin had been on him since birth. He had to face himself, the red demon to save the kingdom."

One of this year's big projects, which will extend into 2024, is writing a novel. Since June I've been working on a psychological, dark fantasy, chivalry novel with the working title 'Twisted Red'.
Unfortunately, my real life and my inner reality are not in sync. My passion can't find a way out of my mind, spinning locked up like a giant dustfog, moved by a hiding star that already has a planetary system and worlds with heroes living on them. One of them should simply be called 'Chivalry'. Here are three kingdoms, two of whose royal houses have been at war with each other for twenty years. King Maximus killed King Leopold the Elder in a jousting duel. Leopold the Younger swore revenge. The cruelty of King Maximus in condemning his defeated opponent to death when he should have shown mercy caused confusion and had a ripple effect. After the victory, he fathered his fourth son, and his child bears the burden of his sin. Prince Gabriel is the King's disgrace, the madman, the speechless beast, who also behaves like an animal, whose light-sensitive red eyes make him move at night, squinting blindly in the sunlight and retreating into the shadows. From under the bushes, it growls and barks at anything it perceives as threatening.
As he grows, he becomes stronger, but also more gentle, as the queen and her sister, the only princess of the royal family, fill his head with the heroic story of the virtuous knight who faithfully serves the noble ladies. Gabriel does not know, for he is not intelligent enough to know, that he cannot be in love with his sister, cannot be his lover. The Queen was aware of this, but she wanted to save her youngest son's life, and the knight's tale liked for him. It was not Gabriel's fault, but the sin of his royal father, the murder of the other king, his cruelty, that made him the man he became. At the beginning of his story, his only wish was to be with his sister and serve her as a virtuous knight. Sophia, however, is afraid of him and prefers not to rebel against their father's decision to marry Edmund, the young ruler of the Third Kingdom. Gabriel cannot follow his sister on a sunny summer day. His sister walks out from the trees of the old park to the square where King Edmund and his wedding party are waiting. In vain he pleads with his sister in sweet birdsong. His pleading whistle fails to impress his sister, and his last desperate howl finally convinces her that she has made the right decision, she cannot care for such a beast.
Gabriel is left alone. The Queen had died years earlier. His faithful assistant, the doctor, was dismissed by the King. But he follows his mother's and the doctor's teachings and, together with a few servants he knew as a child, spends his days in relative peace in the palace's locked wing and among the ancient trees of the ornamental park. Margaret, the daughter of a former lady-in-waiting to the Queen, becomes a lady-in-waiting at the Royal Court at the age of 16, under the guidance of her mother. Margaret embarks on a dangerous plan. This is part of the backstory, I'm presenting everything from Gabriel's point of view. His senses affect his behavior, as do his memories, as he tries to act according to what he has learned, but his beastly nature regularly tests him and those who stand against him. Gabriel enjoys practising his chivalry with Margaret, whom he regards as his substitute noblewoman. He even gives her the precious jewel his sister gave him. This jewel is to be Margaret's undoing, for the jewel belongs to the first lady of the kingdom according to tradition. The girl is murdered by someone (I know who) and Gabriel becomes the suspect.
And here is the first low point in the story, when Gabriel is far from his goal of serving the noble lady as a knight. The King has him imprisoned in the dungeons for the murder of the maid Margaret. But the king's first-born child returns to the royal estate and he proves that Gabriel could not have killed the girl. When Gabriel kills, he doesn't simply strangle, he breaks the neck of his prey with a single stroke. He refers to a famous incident where Gabriel saved his life from an attacking wild boar. With superhuman strength, he broke the animal's neck, grabbing its fangs. She was simply strangled, and the diamond lily for the first lady of the kingdom is nowhere to be found. This is where the story starts, as Alexander takes Gabriel out of the dungeon, takes him with him and heads back together to the kingdom's other, smaller central city, where he runs his own order of knightly mercy.

What I have described is just a small part of the story, the beginning.

It was incredibly enjoy to describe all the things that never happened in reality, but only happen when I think of Gabriel, when I take on his role. It's nice to be able to transform into others in my imagination and go on rampages and adventures at will. As strong as my imagination is, I am weak in reality, and that makes my life miserable. Never mind, when I die, I'll have the most colorful last dream that my heroes will come to me and we'll go on a final adventure together. There are dozens of them and they are surprisingly different, yet they all have the same heart beating in their chests, mine! This is a significant extension of life! What a crazy and dazzling feeling it is when I expand my life and become the worlds I build, processing myself, and my heart beating in the chest of others.
About the title of this post. As a middle-aged human, I certainly don't expect any presents, and I myself don't give anything at Christmas, since my year-long work of disseminating knowledge is my gift. Anyway, I prefer gifts of useful assistance to, say, a publisher's interest in my work.

A wasted life is a painful feeling, and I don't have one, but dozens.

"Isabella knew that somehow she had to make it easier for her son to understand and communicate his intentions to the others. Painting gave her the idea to paint not only pictures of her children and the life of the palace, but an illustrated book that contains all the things that are important to her youngest son and that he understands and can use to show for others. Gabriel kept the original book, painted by his mother, with fear, and rarely took it out. He preferred to show the copy version, that Sophia had painted for him. He modeled for Mom many times, because until then he didn't hunt birds, and Sophia did the same for his safety. And he, in return, patiently admired his noble ladies, most of all embarrassing his sister with his gaze, which had the curiosity of a young man for her budding beauty."
And now I am emotionally divided: I feel Isabella, the queen, the mother's fear and deep love for her son, Sophia's sister's fear and confusion that the first man to notice her as a woman is her strange brother, and Gabriel's admiration for both of them.
This is really awesome.

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