WARNING, the idea of the story is a highly critical presentation of contemporary social gender roles set in a fictional future, and it mixes up everything we take so much for granted in a completely absurd way, cleverly conditioning and incorporating social expectations in ourself. It is not the author who is "crazy", it is our everyday life that is totally absurd! As a thinker, writing is the best way for me to release the tension and portray the absurdity of our lives. It's a deliberately edited scene, I'm very familiar with the clichés of gender roles and it's easy to take them to extremes. If you had the need, I could work it all out and have plenty of bileful critique of all the bullshit I have to deal with day after day in real life. Oh, the snowflakes would get plenty of kick too. Of course I can understand why people lose their minds, because we have set ourselves extreme challenges by eating the living world. There will be all sorts of crap here, compared to which my citizen-bashing writing is just a belch. My authorial self is rough, dirty and brutal, because in my fictional worlds I am a goddess, and akin to the Old Testament God, and only occasionally do I allow myself some Jesus grace. And it's not my job to entertain you. With all that in mind, decide whether you want to read what I've written, or whether you'd rather find some other entertainment for yourself.
"Before dawn, Tristan carefully slid from under the quilt, trying not to wake his beloved Isolde. He felt a bit nauseous, his stomach bloated as though he had eaten something disagreeable, which was impossible since he had taken Isolde to her favorite restaurant the previous night, and she had generously let him pay. The food was impeccable, the evening perfect, the hours of lovemaking compressed to mere minutes in his memory, and the climax of their passion lost in a series of orgasms. With his hand over his mouth, he rushed toward the bathroom. The sensor-operated door silently opened and closed behind him, not disturbing the moments of realization. Kneeling over the toilet he had just reached, he began to retch silently. "Morning sickness," a term he recalled from a class on sexuality long ago, flashed through his mind. He turned around, sat on the cooled seat, and reached between his legs. He waited for the post-coital cleansing ejaculation, but it didn’t come. Despite the nausea, he tried to induce ejaculation through routine motions, but instead of the expected release, a warmth spread from his abdomen, flushing his face. The heat returned to the area around his navel, and he felt the pulsing of veins in the pouch that had been a privilege of men for about a century. The formal objectivity of his school education mixed with the physical and emotional chaos of reality, and jumping up from the toilet, he stared into the mirror above the sink. His bearded face was distorted by a mix of anger, disappointment, realization, and alarm. Through the mirror, he saw the door open. Isolde entered the bathroom, still half-asleep, stood in front of the toilet, and began to urinate. Her eyes widened as the lingering acidic smell cut through the air. A flash of joy crossed her face. He watched all this in the mirror, gripping the sink because he was shaking. He managed to utter just three accusing word. "You deceived me." Isolde gently wrapped her arms around him and kissed his neck. "Go back to bed; I'll bring you tea." Her touch was cool, her kiss hot, and the warmth in her words palpable. "You promised to wait until I was 21," he said, shaking with anger and desire. Isolde looked into the mirror beside him, their faces so close on its silver surface. In the icy LED light of the bathroom, her face seemed older because of its grim expression. "The council designated a father for me. He was ideal in every way, but my heart wanted something else. And I didn't deceive you; my body deceived both of us. The ovulation occurred three days earlier and somewhat hidden. Only the intensity of the orgasm made me realize that the donation had taken place. And I watched you in awe because until now, I had only seen the series of orgasms accompanying fertilization in men on educational videos. You are beautiful even now. If only we could switch places!" The open expression of such a heretical thought eased his anger somewhat. "In all of nature, only human males carry the embryo. It’s a divine miracle." "That's true, and yet you’re not happy about it." Isolde stepped into the bathtub and turned on the shower. With a minimal amount of cleansing cream, she finished showering in three minutes, precisely knowing and not exceeding her water quota by even a deciliter. Following the trail of water droplets sliding off her breasts and hips, his gaze drifted over her generative rod, which had provided such pleasure in her cloaca the night before. A few inches’ opening between her legs, behind which lay an anatomical impossibility, or a miracle. The natural phenomenon a century ago, the gift of the pink night, or according to doomsday sects, its curse, its punishment. Men had become the child bearers, while women continued to nourish and tenderly care for the shared treasure. Women became leaders because childbirth weakened men, not physically, but emotionally. And he felt it, the surge of hormones making him increasingly depend on Isolde’s tender attention. He thought about the school lessons, how his sperm-fertilized her egg would implant itself into the blood vessel-rich wall of his baby-carrying sac. He knew the process and yet did not feel ready. "You promised to wait until I finished university. As a graduate man, it would be different." Steam rose Isolde’s body, absorbed by the extractor to be recycled back into the house's water system. She stepped out of the tub and took underwear and a work overalls from the wardrobe. While dressing, she reflected, allowing herself time to see more clearly. She ruffled her closely cropped hair as if to shake off the disturbing thoughts. In the mirror, she smiled without joy. "The council and biology put undeniable facts before us. I am twenty-five, at the optimum of my physical maturity, when the laws also demand a woman to become a mother. Would I have accepted the proposed father, and allowed you to leave?" She turned to face Tristan directly, her words firm. "Yes! In two years later, I could have made me the second father in your life!" Isolde met his gaze steadfastly, not flinching. "But only one can bear my name, only our shared children would be named after us. The rest would belong to the state. I love you, I desire you, and you know well I will be a great mother. I have gifted you this; accept it, and be the first and only husband to me!" His anger dissipated. "You just proposed to me." "I did more than that. I offered you social ascension, that as the father of my children, you could live at the peak. Because I love you. I know it's old-fashioned to refer to feelings, but my mother was good to me and warned not to reproduce out of interest." "You're not even considering me! I told you about my plans!" "All male fantasies. With your Class A physical and Class C intellectual attributes, it would be a miracle if you could finish the three-year program. I passed the five-year program’s final exam; I bring up topics from it, and you don’t understand most of the theories!" "Believe me, I appreciate that you don’t embarrass me with your diploma, but it’s still infuriating that you doubt me and make decisions for me. Fifty years of gender equality. I have the right to live my own life and study, to start a business! You can't force me into fatherhood." "Imagine then, in five years, at thirty, I take you as my second father. My egg cells will mostly be damaged then. It will be a series of trials in Petri dishes, and only genetically sound zygotes will be implanted into you. That would be a relationship of convenience, where you would exploit me based on our past and feelings! Tell me, who seduced whom? Who snuck onto the elite floor to leave his internship application, specifically highlighting that he was his one of the trainers by my sister’s first husband. It worked. I became curious about you. And you, with sports, our shared hobby, you swept me off my feet. You have a beautiful body, and I admit, you are quite clever in certain areas. So, be smart and reconsider what you are risking. At thirty, I will reject you. I will be faithful to only one man, and if you are not willing to be that one, leave. But the life we conceived is already growing inside you. All the external signs are there. And you know the law, in the case of two Class A bodies, the fertilized egg immediately implies marriage. Yes, I have married you." "I have 72 hours to terminate it. I'll use the legal loophole." "Why are you rejecting this?! I offered you half my life! As the father of our children, you would have more opportunities than with your studies and any other foolish plan!" "That's why, because you don't believe in me. I am a man, for heaven's sake! I'm as capable as any woman! And I will not become a father prematurely. No matter how much I love you. First, I yearn for my own business, however small it may be compared to your nearly directorial position." "Abortion is dangerous. It could ruin your baby-carrying sac!" "If done in the first 24 hours, the surgical risk is only 1-2%. So, you take me to the council in the city! If you truly love me, you won’t stand in my way." Isolde straightened up and stared into space above his forehead, pondering, weighing her options. She spoke deliberately and coolly. "It’s your right to make your own decision. I can’t force you. Alright, stand before the council and apply for the abortion! I’m taking a day off today. Let’s give ourselves a chance. And if the zygote's removal happened, I’ll leave you and never seek you out again! Is that good for you?! Manly enough?" With a parched throat but a defiant look, he said: "Yes." Isolde smiled. "Then you might as well get dressed. And let’s eat first, because it’s going to be a tough day. They don’t just give abortion permits to two Class A parents."
Egész este látszott a sarki fény hazánkból, de én hajnali háromkor ébredve rohantam ki a kertbe, hogy megörökítsem. Fél négy körül a pirkadat fényébe kezdett beleveszni, holott még bőven tart a G4-es erősségű geomágnesen vihar, amilyen erősségűre utoljára 2003-ban volt példa. A sarki fényt előrejelző alkalmazás szerint szombat reggelre ért volna ide a napkitörés. Én ezért keltem hajnalban. Aki viszont már naplemente után az ég alatt volt városoktól messzi helyen pazar élményben gyönyörködhetett észak felé figyelve, mert nemcsak rózsaszín, hanem zöldes is volt az égi látványosság, akárcsak az északi sark közelében. Boldog vagyok, hogy nem maradtam le róla és háromkor spontán felébredtem. Egyből rohantam ki a kertbe pizsamában a hajnali 9 Celsius fokkal mit sem törődve. A városi fényszennyezés miatt szabad szemmel nem láttam, de a kamera kijelzőjén nagyon is látszott. Az egymás után készült fotókon pedig a mozgását is ki tudtam venni. Rákattintva a képre nagyban nézheted meg és akkor feltűnik neked, hogy a Cassiopeia csillagképpel együtt fotóztam le a sarki fényt.
A bejegyzés címe önmagában egy bejegyzés, amit bővebben kifejtve számtalan módon variálva megírtam már többször. A három könyv közül Zelei Anna, Ha az erdő beszélni tudna című kötete hozta ki belőlem a hosszú címet, mert az erdei ökoszisztéma válsága az egyik krízis, ami komoly hatással van az életünkre. Elképesztő hatékonysággal irtottuk ki a mérsékelt övi fásszárú növénytársulásokat pár ezer év alatt, és a pusztítás jelenben is zajlik Romániában, de máshol Európában is. Némileg cinikusan írtam egy cikket két éve az európai ősbükkösök megmentésére vonatkozó terv kapcsán. Az Alföld egykori zárótársulását a keményfás ligeterdőt külön online magazinszámban mutattam be. Ez a valamikori igazi erdőnk a mi földéhségünk miatt 98%-os veszteséget szenvedett el, vagyis maradt belőle 2%, de annak létét is fenyegetjük, illetve a behurcolt gomba növényi-patogének, inváziós növényfajok valamint a mi hatásunkra felpörgött felmelegedés üti-veri a maradékát, vagyis teljesen el fog tűnni, mert nem tud fennmaradni. Amit az erdőért teszünk, pusztán a lelkiismeretünk csitítására szolgáló pótcselekvés. Amikor hallom, hogy itt-ott 10-20 hektár új erdőt telepítettek, mindig egy nagy mértékű aránytalanság jut eszembe: 400 ezer hektár szántó és 25 ezer hektár faültetvény van Békés megyében. Itt minden alá lett rendelve a 19. században a gabonának, az ember gazdálkodásának. Sose voltak nagy erdőségeink, a tájunk az erdős-sztyepp övezetben van, vagyis nagyobbrészt puszta ligetes erdőfoltokkal tarkítottan. A puhafás és keményfás ligeterdők a valamikori árvizeknek köszönhették fennmaradásukat, a folyóink extra vize éltette a fás vegetációt. Volt még a tájban tatárjuharos lösztölgyes is mint valódi klímazonális társulás, de ezt már 5000-6000 ezer éve az ide települő emberek kivágták és felhasználták faanyagát. Semmi kedvem tovább keseríteni a szívemet. Minden döntésünknek következménye van. A természet nagyarányú felhasználása, elpusztítása végső soron a fajunk egyedszámának drasztikus lecsökkenéséhez fog vezetni és pár évszázad alatt a kihalásához is, mert bár találékonyak vagyunk, de 50 Celsius fokban igen könnyedén elpusztulunk és ilyen hőségben az általunk ismert fauna már rég a múlt emléke lesz. A holocénnek véget vett az antropogén eredetű felgyorsult melegedés. A 21. század minden tekintetben elképesztőbb lesz mint a 20. volt, pedig ott is történtek bőven extrém szörnyűségek!
Hazafelé sétálva a gombákat keresgélve vettem észre a pár darab ízletes csiperkétAgaricus bitorquis. Pont a hátam mögül sütött a Nap, így az árnyékommal úgy takartam ki a termőtesteket, hogy a mellkasom területén legyenek. Ha rákattintasz a képre, akkor nagyban tudod megnézni és valóban jól láthatod a csiperkéket. Az ízletes tipikusan a még kellően nedves talajból tőr elő már kinyílott kalappal, hogy a szárazabbra fordult időben még gyorsan el tudja szórni a spóráit. Ez az első lépés a zárt termőtest felé vezető evolúciós úton. Léteznek már félig bezárt termőtestű csiperke fajok is. Az egyikről, Agaricus deserticola külön cikket írtam 2016-ban. Sok írásom szól a csiperkékről, hiszen az egyik legfontosabb gomba nemzetség, és a világszinten legnagyobb mennyiségben termesztett gomba a kétspórás csiperke A. bisporus. Pár nappal korábban a csiperkék fontossága kapcsán még egy plakátot is összeraktam, amit ha még nem töltöttél le, érdemes megtenned. Nálam a vizsgálóban megtekinthető.
Between 2002 and 2006 I wrote a short novel, three novels and two longer stories, all of which were published. None of them were particularly successful, but at least I got a chance to be a writer from a great man. My first novel was published in 2004, so this year is the 20th anniversary of its publication. In one or two ways I have been very lucky in my life, and it's good to remember with gratitude the past, the goal I set myself at the time, which I managed to half-finish, because I had planned 'The Legendary of the Bloodhunters' for six parts, but after the third part I lost my passion for creating. It was over and I found it pointless to push something I was no longer enjoying at all. In 2006, there were two deaths in the extended family and the double bereavement was emotionally devastating. I'm an inward-outward writer, which means I put myself in the shoes of my heroes, and that requires optimum mental fortitude. When I'm mentally in one piece, not only does the transformation come easily, but I also find joy in the acting that goes on in my head. I'm a writer who really creates character-driven stories because I play everybody. Experiencing dozens of lives in a single lifetime through the imagination is an experience that has been well worth the personal price for me. For me, virtual reality is an unnecessary product, because I have my own inner worlds and I can switch between them and play my favourite scenes as I like (How many story (world) heroes and scenes do I have in my head?) Plus, I listen to the music that fits that scene and another life beats in my heart. The theme song to The Legendary of the Bloodhunters, which I've heard Sarah Brightman's perform hundreds of times in the making of the novels, is a Queen classic, Who wants to live forever, because if you think about it, if you look at the extinction of the species, after the extinction of the human race, the immortal human would be the only one of its species in a totally changed world. Can you really imagine existing for a million years?!
The book I held in my hand was published in 2004, from Gábor Krigler. In English, "To be continued" could be a translation of the title. As soon as it was available in the library I borrowed it and read it. It was in this book that I first came across the names and advice of Lajos Egri and Robert McKee. Gábor Krigler's book helped me a lot as a writer. Yes, it was here that I first read about character-driven drama, and I fully embraced the idea that without an active protagonist there is no story. Action is inevitable, because the terrestrial world, and even the solar system, the Milky Way, is a dynamic system, and anything that does not respond to change is either dead or will be dead very soon. In October 2002, I dreamt the dream that became The Legendary of the Bloodhunters. In it, five characters had already appeared and I had an idea of what kind of story they were in. Mantes Alcubierre and Belizar were among the five you'll meet in the novel excerpt shared in the second half of this post, which is the first half of the first chapter of Part Two. The novel is called 'Golden Leaf'. Gábor Krigler's book helped me a lot. I thought about everything carefully, spent a lot of time with the characters, put together their backgrounds, but also the story of my whole predator species. I did a good job. Twenty years on, I marvel with satisfaction at the immense energy of my young mind in putting together three novels. I know very well what dreams are worth, or what my writing is worth. I think of a million years and forgive myself for my human smallness. I've been, I've dreamed, and the rest doesn't matter.
The novel excerpt is after the music.
(Note: my writing master was my editor. He made my text neater.)
"The Mantes
corporate empire’s building modestly hidden among the skyscrapers of Midtown.
It didn’t try to compete in height with the nearby Empire State Building, nor
in decoration with the Chrysler Building a couple of blocks away, and it wasn’t
as old as these more famous structures. Its interior decoration was
conventional, with gold plating and marble linings as standard as the
three-story high decorative staircase with Mediterranean pines that were not
considered curiosities. The founder of the Mantes corporate empire had it built
using standard architectural elements in downtown New York City. The company
founder never entered the building, as he was erected for his successors and
their people as an administrative center.
Primarily,
the Mantes corporate empire was engaged in commerce. It bought and sold
anything that people needed. Examples, among its suppliers were several hundred
South American farmers who sold cocoa beans to a local confectionery factory,
while on the other side of the world, in Japan, research labs manufactured
electronic sector components that bore codes made only of letters and numbers.
The final product reached the stores as cheap milk chocolate and the sky as
expensive satellites. The Mantes corporate merely bought and sold, skimming off
a management fee. Its sphere of interest wove a web across the entire Earth,
and only the members of the executive council knew the true size and power of
the company. The leaders serving under them were responsible for smaller
segments, burdened enough to keep the company's real profile.
The only
person with power over the eight-member executive council was the perpetual
president appointed by the founder. Thejob required him to regularly visit his office in the corporate
building.
That is what
he was doing now.
The
president of the Mantes corporate empire shut off the engine and climbed out of
his vehicle. He pushed the car door shut behind him and reached into the inner
pocket of his mole-grey jacket. He pulled out a pair of rimless sunglasses and
put them on. The black lenses sharply contrasted with his pale northern
complexion and his ash-blonde hair, shoulder length and worn in a ponytail. His
face was covered by a three-day stubble, the light hairs revealed by the neon
light that flickered on them. He had never remove the first beard of his youth.
Underneath his jacket, he wore a medium-blue shirt without a tie, paired with
black jeans. His feet were clad in rawhide shoes, the kind that could withstand
rough terrain. He did not button up his double-breasted suit, which suited his
broad shoulders. At first glance, his appearance suggested a worker who had
climbed to a high position. However, his overall image was confused by the
delicate features of his narrow face, making him look like a woodcutter who had
wandered into the fashion industry.
He surveyed
the empty garage, then cast a long glance at his battered Fiat Dino, which had
snow chains on its wheels. The car was covered with dirty slush. Despite the
January snowstorm, he had traveled in the elegant sports car, insisting that
they enjoy the snow and winter together. He liked the snow because it reminded
him of his homeland.
His gaze
shifted from the sports car to another parked vehicle, a black Rolls-Royce
Silver Spirit. He thought no one else had managed to drive through the
snowstorm. He took a closer look at the other car, realized it hadn't moved
from its spot since the east coast of America was hit by the severe weather,
burying Washington under sixty centimeters of snow.
A wrinkle
appeared at the corner of his mouth from a kind of sour smile as he headed
towards the elevator.
Of the
fifty-two-story skyscraper's fifteen elevators, only one opened its doors to
the twenty-third floor, where his office was located. However, this elevator only
stopped on this floor if the user had a numeric code for identification. Only
nine individuals received such a code from the founder of the corporate empire.
He entered
the elevator and punched in his own code, which immediately appeared on the
monitor built into the secretary’s desk upstairs. The elevator made barely any
noise, but in the empty space, even this small sound was noticeable to its
passenger, who tapped his foot on the floor to drown out the annoying hum. The
private elevator halted with a soft jolt on the 23th floor. Its passenger shook
his head as if to shake off an unpleasant thought. He stepped out of the
elevator into the short, monotonously colored, deserted corridor leading to the
reception room. This empty space might seem startling compared to the
presidential level he had entered. It was intentionally designed this way; the
white walls, the floor, and the ceiling deliberately hinted at nothing special,
unlike the ornate hall that from which opened the presidential room, where his
secretary’s desk was situated.
The
president stopped at the end of the corridor in front of the gray metal door
and hummed a verse of the Latin hymn he knew. The voice recognition device
confirmed the match of the voice pattern, and the door opened. From the center
of the reception room, the secretary flashed an angelic smile at him.
“Welcome,
Mr. President!” she greeted him in Spanish, her voice light and cheerful. “Even
this dreadful snowfall couldn’t stop you from being punctual?”
He did not
give her more than a glance. The woman was wearing a black suit made of alpaca
wool fabric, and her smiley cheeks were watched over by her emotionless eyes.
“How can I
wipe that silly grin off your face?” he muttered under his breath in Norwegian,
so the woman would not understand.
The
secretary continued to smile undisturbed and returned to her computer built
into the desk. The beautiful ebony keyboard looked like a patinated jewelry box
with its shiny platinum buttons, and above it, the flat-screen monitor encased
in ebony appeared like an antique mirror. However, this “mirror” did not
reflect the room’s image but displayed a multitude of statistical data, parts
of a health plan currently being prepared. The woman not only performed
secretarial duties but also acted as the humanitarian leader of the executive
council.
Meanwhile,
the security door closed behind the president, and its ornate wooden covering
blended into the wood carvings. The variously colored wooden panels depicted
the stylized forms of trees, flowers, and fruits of the Garden of Eden. The
room’s ceiling stretched up four meters high, and there, the ebony panels
displayed the constellations of the sky. The secretary’s desk was also made of
ebony, and its carvings formed such a dense pattern that the word baroque
barely covered its lavish abundance. The steel and glass building monster’s
heart was adorned with the vivid manifestations of life, crafted in wood.
The
innermost office was protected by one last security system. The large metal
door covered by decoration depicted an apple tree, with a snake coiled around
its low trunk. The fruit-laden branches almost touched the ground.
The
president stopped in front of it, placed his left palm on one of the apples,
and took off his sunglasses with his right hand to look into the snake’s eyes.
The hidden retina scanner checked the swirling platelets in the depths of his
pupils, which glowed red in his eyeballs.
The double
doors of the presidential office swung open.
“Mr.
President,” called the secretary in her pleasant mezzo-soprano voice, “I’ve
placed today’s schedule on your desk. Please read it as soon as you can!”
The man
would have liked to slam the door behind him, but its hinges obeyed only their
own control and resisted any repulsive force; the gate closed itself in its own
rhythm, with dignified silence.
The
presidential office suggested a completely different atmosphere than the
reception room; instead of the old cozy warmth, it emitted a rejecting
coolness. Its walls, clad in gray marble, were adorned with ivory reliefs. The
wings of angels dancing with skeletons were covered with silver plates. Most of
the furniture was made of metal; their colors suggested that precious metals
were alloyed with more robust titanium. The unnatural effect was further enhanced
by the motionless light of artificial lighting. A stark, light-colored interior
space that conveyed an uncomfortable truth to those inside.
“Another day
in the underworld,” grumbled. He stuffed his sunglasses into his jacket pocket
and, in a nervous, hurried gesture, crushed it.
“Interesting
reaction,” a soft male voice noted in Spanish.
The two
men’s gazes met.
The
black-suited, dark-haired, black-eyed secretary with the same fiery pupils
continued to speak.
“Forgive me,
Mr. President, if my observation seems indiscreet, but you seem to smash one
almost every week, as if unconsciously signaling through the destruction of
your sunglasses that the cataract has fallen from your eyes.”
His facial
muscles tensed at the remark. It further enraged him that his secretary, like
the rest of his council, the other Mantes descendants, used their father’s
language. They spoke to him exclusively in Spanish, even though they knew
English and about half a dozen other languages.
Out of petty
defiance, he responded in English to the witty comment, using this language
because of the conflict between them, although he also spoke Spanish.
“Did the old
man train you to be confessor? As if one of you wasn’t enough...” Shoving aside
his feelings, he sat down in the leather-upholstered executive chair, next to
the desk made of metal and marble. The plastic-covered bundles of documents on
the special surface looked like tourists wandering around the Vatican. His gaze
swept over them, finally settling on the secretary.
The
short-cut hair, thick and strong eyebrows, hooked nose, narrow lips, and sharp,
small chin reminded him of the previous owner, Mantes Alcubierre, the Old
Serpent.
The
secretary moved his head.
He caught
his gaze; he was studying the papers on the desk. The secretary’s notepad
revealed a familiar name among the urgent calls. Once again, his face showed a
mix of irritation and concern. But contemplation drove the uncertainty from his
eyes.
“Did Ahriman
say what she wants?”
“No, Mr.
President.” The secretary turned the pages of the documents and extended one to
him, which he signed with his name, Bear Johns, in thick ink and straight
letters.
“She’s
treating me as if I were her son too!” He pushed the contract to the other side
of the desk. He glanced over the calls again, and only now, on the second look,
did he notice the sign of the Indian Rudrargasz Brotherhood and the name of the
person who had called him from this organization. Irritation mixed with
nervousness. “After a month of silence, Dzsinar and the diplomatic delegation
suddenly reappear. Can you tell me anything concrete about them?”
“Mr.
President, the young Dzsinar has requested a meeting with you in the most
polite manner possible. He wishes to discuss a diplomatic matter.”
“Where is
the official spokesperson?”
“I have no
information about the guest of high priority from that busy December day.”
“So, my
secretary, who is far more informed than I am about my company, has no idea
where the chief diplomat of the Rudrargasz Brotherhood might be? I would rather
speak with him, not endure the company of that arrogant buffoon Dzsinar. Ten
minutes was enough. He questioned me as if I were an ignorant peasant who had
stolen the lord’s pig, while he wanted to know who killed a member of their
delegation on the 27th. Just by chance, what do you know about that?”
“His
accusation surprised me too. However, the old diplomat spoke the truth: even a
hunter can meet with an accident in the jungle. Don’t worry about the young
man’s fervor! We wash our hands of it.”
“Oh, you’re
so adept at calming the conscience!”
“Why should
I bother with something I have no involvement in?” the secretary shrugged. “I
suggest, Mr. President, that we deal with today’s matters. Amarilla asked me to
remind you that Ahriman is beginning to lose her patience.”
The
president stopped the involuntary scribbling on the notepad, the many little
squiggles as if trying to be many little trees, a forest in which he wanted to
hide. His pupil dilated as a sign of anger, then narrowed.
“She won’t
leave me alone... The new year is no better than the old one. Sign the rest for
me! I know you can perfectly imitate my signature. I’ve seen the contracts from
the 47th week of ’95.”
“Mr.
President, you gave me carte blanche during that period, considering your
exhausting commitments!”
“Which I
also owed to your master.”
The
secretary allowed himself a thoughtful smile and stopped checking and sorting
the documents. He leaned back in his chair.
“How
fortunate that the fledgling has already flown, and you have no more troubles
with him. I owe you gratitude for giving her your blood.”
He noticed
the change in the secretary’s manner. A tiny playful light appeared in those
black eyes, as if thinking of an entertaining matter kept to himself, amusing
that the other was clueless about it.
He was
irritated by the secretary’s look; it awakened unpleasant memories. He leaned
closer over the table to the corporate empire’s gray eminence, the
vice-president.
“What do you
call yourself?”
“Blanco
Satanael, the name given to me by Mantes Alcubierre.”
He recoiled
in disgust, then turned his attention to the contracts in front of him instead.
“The old
serpent called himself that. What does it mean?” he asked curtly.
“Light-guardian.”
“Ironic,
because there’s nothing brightly in his work, bastard!”
The
secretary made a familiar gesture, his fingertips supporting each other, then
both palms came together as if to pray, before dropping both hands into his
lap. The smiling lips thinned as the smile broadened.
“Harsh words
from a master whose first fledgling is partly our little sister. A bastard your
daughter is, whose Blood nevertheless proved strong enough to defeat you.”
They stood
facing each other, yet together beside the same piece of furniture. He was
irritated by the situation and the obvious facts being brought up.
“I didn't
want to at all...” The anger silenced him.
The
secretary took advantage of his hesitation, and their dialogue’s ripostes
followed each other quickly.
“You desired
power, you got it. Live it! You don’t need to play the obedient one to Ahriman.
Forget tradition! Why would you listen to a foolish old?”
“Rather to
someone whose master tried to kill me?!”
“It was a
mistake. You survived, you could forget it, and instead of dwelling on the
past’s painful experiences, you could focus on the present’s splendid
opportunities. Use the knowledge gathered by my master, your old mentor, and
stop those who are against you.”
“We are
currently facing each other...”
“Managing
the same corporate empire, of which you are the president!”
“I’m just a
puppet. You do business at your pleasure, and I find out about most of it too
late or never.”
“Why should
we bother you with the minor details of power when more important tasks await
you?” The secretary, satisfied with the stirred emotions, resettled in his
chair.
He stared
dumbfounded at the provocative figure and asked suspiciously:
“Such as?”
The
secretary looked him in the eye and softly uttered one word:
“Conquest.”
He shook his
head and helplessly stared at the plethora of documents on the table.
“As the
president of the corporate empire, I control seventeen percent of the Earth’s
resources; a billion lives depend on my companies, I almost entirely own South
America, yet still, conquer?! Why? This much power is more than enough for a
long life.”
“Then use
it, don’t just buy souvenirs for your so-called friends, who are actually
enemies!” hissed the secretary, switching to a more direct, familiar tone.
“Ahriman refused your gift and stayed at her old headquarters. She didn’t even
look at the property you bought for her. She knows what she needs, and you
should too.”
“No.” His
voice deepened threateningly.
The
secretary met his cutting gaze, and the playful light became into an obsessed blaze.
“I know why
you took the presidency. You longed for our Master’s Repository of Knowledge,
hoping it would answer a question of yours. Unfortunately, the Repository is
not all-knowing. Despite the failure, believe me, the answer to everything is
the same: power. You started the search wrong. Go to Ahriman, and see where you
get!”
His face
tensed, his jaw muscles involuntarily grinding.
“You talk
like the old serpent. You’re too much like him, as if you were not just his
physical but also his spiritual mirror image, a failed attempt at immortality.
However much you mimic him, you’re just his shadow.”
The
secretary casually slid a document aside.
“You can
insult me, but with that, you’re only crudely missing the mark. Why are you
afraid of me, or my siblings?”
“Indeed, why
should I only slash words at you?”
The
secretary did not flinch as he leaned closer.
“Would
squabbling befit us? Would the fighting resolve anything?”
“Do you
think I’m afraid?!”
Their gazes
locked.
“Then go to
Ahriman, and tell him why you neglect your youthful duties towards her. Explain
to him why, despite blood kinship, she can’t count on you. As soon as these
words leave your mouth, you’ve signed your death warrant, and you know it.
You’re the president of the Mantes corporate empire, a possessor of power,
which you neither want to use nor share or pass on. You’re a fool, and sooner
or later they’ll kill you for your attitude, for hesitating to decide over
lives and deaths. Your position is untenable. We await your commands, after
which, filled with gratitude, we can help you in conquest. We thirst for blood,
others’ blood, whether Ahriman’s or the others’. We must kill if we want to
live and see our desires fulfilled. Seek out the ghost haunting you, whom you
keep alive in your heart! Find him, and if you do, prepare for Ahriman’s
wrath.” The secretary smiled knowingly.
He stunned,
forgot his anger; it was extinguished by the harsh certainty.
“The old
serpent trained you well. He told you everything about me. But he was wrong. I
would rather have you killed.” He pushed back the executive chair and strode to
the door, which opened automatically with a dignified slowness at his touch.
The
secretary had enough time for his farewell words.
“Our
father’s falcon should have killed you. Someone made a poor choice. Think about
who you owe your current situation to, Raida’s son, Belizar!”
At the
mention of Raida’s name, he paused between the opened door wings, but then he
mastered his emotions and moved on. He hurried toward the other door hidden
behind the apple tree.
The
secretary smiled at him. A freshly brought bouquet of flowers scented the air
on her desk, a bundle of slender, crimson rosebuds.
“The
imperial symbols of Roman emperors made from Persian-origin roses. Glory and
love. How princely!” She crushed one of the flower heads and sprinkled the
crushed petals towards him. “Glory to you, Lord of Babylon!”
Belizar
tried to ignore the smiling-faced, cold-eyed secretary, but the sight of the
falling, crushed rose petals and her strangely emphasized words stopped him.
“What are
you trying to say?”
“The
beautiful Mediterranean region has seen many battles and retains memories of
defeats. Proud Haoma, still burning with hatred and desire for revenge. Glory
and love. Old fool, chasing them. What is lost can never be regained.”
“I’ve found
that every bastard received enough sense from the old serpent, yet they all
enjoy their little games.”
“Oh, as a
gentle woman, I was attracted to practicing mercy.”
“Stay away
with your kind heart, as well as the other inside with his light of wisdom, and
the rest leave me with their virtues... which are actually loathsome
pretenses!”
“Which of
the girl’s qualities irritates you? After all, she is the ninth Mantes
disciple.”
“She doesn’t
belong among you.”
The
secretary smiled even wider, her pearl teeth showing.
“I cared for
her, washed her body, changed her sheets when the Magister accepted her among
us.”
“She’s not
some filthy blood bastard, but the…”
“Source of
glory and love.”
He growled.
“No.”
The
secretary began to laugh softly, then said in a low, almost loving tone:
“Fool!”
He pushed
aside his emotions and touched the wall. The hidden door swung open, revealing
the drab-colored corridor. He paused for a moment behind the wooden depiction
of Eden. The secretary came out into the reception room and stood beside the
smiling secretary.
“Go! We will
wait for you.”
He stepped
into the corridor, and the hidden door closed behind him."
Erősen elfogódottnak tűnhet a bejegyzés címe, mert a 12 hónap mindegyikének megvan a maga értéke és március, június, október szintén magával ragadó időszakai az éves ciklusnak, de a május oly annyira erőteljes, annyira összesűrűsödnek benne az élet erőfeszítései a kibontakozásra, annyira felemelő, hogy az ember életkortól függetlenül érzi és reagál az elsöprő érzésre, ami árad a természetből. Középkorú emberként is fiatalosan csillogó szemmel figyelem az élet bőséges túlcsordulását és örömmel átadom magamat az érzésnek. Egyetlen egy perc is jól érzékelteti a vérpezsdítő hangulatát májusnak, lásd vagyis inkább hallgasd Békéscsaba madarainak reggeli énekét. A telkünkön sok fa és bokor van, és az egyik orgonabokorban fekete rigó pár fészkel és a kis család életének megfigyelése mindennapi élmény. A bokrok közt van jó néhány bodza is, amik virágoznak. Imádom az illatát és persze a virágokból készült limonádét és szörpöt is.
Május a gombaszezon második felfutása, amikor a tavaszi kezdethez mérten sokan indulnak el a füves élőhelyekre az Alföldön, hogy a mezei szegfűgombát és csiperkéket gyűjtsenek. 2000 előtt valóban fantasztikus élmény volt akár a reptéri mezőn is gombászni. Jól emlékszem, amikor 1997 májusában először láttam tejpereszkét és pont a reptéren. A nyitóképen az egyik gomba a szegfűgomba, a másik kettő két rókagomba: halvány és szürke. A szegfűt a reptéri mezőn, a rókákat a Belényesi-medence egyik erdejében gyűjtöttem. A második kép szintén 2014-ben készült az ötödik hónapban a csabai piacon. A sárga gévagomba helyi gyűjtés volt, míg a rókagomba és nyári vargánya a Béli-hegységből érkezett. 2014-ben már feltűnő volt a füves élőhelyek kiszáradása, amit a tavaszi vízhiány okoz. A 2000 előtti szegfűgomba és csiperke dömping régóta a múlt emléke.
2014-ben egy májusi napon láttam először élőhelyén rókagombát, ami örök emlék számomra. Nagyon szépek voltak a kicsike mohapárnában a famagonccal együtt a rókagomba termőtestei. Az áhítat pillanata volt. Most milyen állapotban lehet az az erdőrész, ahol életem első rókagombáit gyűjtöttem? Tanulságos lenne látnom a jelenben. A forró, száraz időszakok a hegyvidéki erdőket is sújtják és negatívan hatnak rájuk. 2023 júniusában például azok a kiváló erdők üresek voltak, mert hiába jöttek zivatarok, a tavasz száraz volt, télen sem hullott elég csapadék, így esély sem volt rá, hogy teremjenek a gombák. 2023-ban a hegyvidéki szezon is katasztrofális volt. Sajnos a gombakedvelők szembesülni fognak vele, hogy én nem fogok gombát hordani a piacra, mert őrülten nehéz lett begyűjteni a termőtesteket. Én eleve az ismeretterjesztést választottam feladatomnak, más típusú gombaszakellenőr vagyok mint az elődöm. Szóval mély levegőt veszek, feltöltöm magamat a virágillatú májusi és várlak a vizsgálóban, ha találtál gombát vagy csak szeretnél beszélgetni a gombákról és a természetről.
Kattints rá a képre és mentsd el, ha tetszik, mert ez az eredeti képfájl, amit kinyomtatok és a héten kirakok a gombavizsgálóba. Időnként jó ötlet frissíteni a gombabemutató plakátokat, és a csiperkék egy igazán fontos nemzetség. Könnyedén tudtam tízet felsorolni a mintegy harmincból, melyek megtalálhatók Békés megyében. Pontosabban én ennyiről tudok, de könnyen lehet, hogy vannak még fajok, amiket nem ismerek. Egy-egy csiperke már szerepel az ehető, mérgező, erdei gombák plakátokon is: mezei, karbolszagú, csoportos, vagyis tizenhárom csiperkéről tudok képpel megtámasztott információkat átadni a vizsgálóasztalom mellett állva az érdeklődő gombásztársnak. Minél többet foglalkozik az emberrel a csiperkékkel, az általános kép, hogy "ezek fehér gombák sötétbarnára színeződő lemezekkel, galléros tönkkel", sokat finomodik az évek során és egyszeriben majd kibökik a szemünket a nyilvánvaló eltérések a termőtesteik között. Ugyan a plakáton nem volt lehetőségem több szöveget elhelyezni, de ha utánanézel akár könyvben, akár neten a leírásaiknak, tényleg megérted, hogy miről írtam. A csiperkék meglepően változatosak, és a legtöbbjük valóban jó, ehető gomba, de a hasmenést okozókkal tényleg jobb óvatosnak lenni!
A videócsatornámon van egy gombabemutató videóm, aminek a főszereplői a csiperkék. Érdemes megnézned, ha még nem láttad.
A nyitókép picit sem tűnik izgalmasnak, pedig nekem örömet okozott, hogy a Berzsenyi utcában lévő vízelvezető árokban van víz! Sokszor láttam szárazon, így most kellemes meglepetés volt, hogy vizet találok benne. Le is fotóztam rögvest. A parkban kanyargó csatornában is láttam éltető vizet, így picit megnyugodtam, hogy ha még jön május elején égi áldás, akkor erőre kap a termőhullám és szép élményekben lesz részünk. Sajnos a szomorú igazság, hogy a tájléptékű kiszáradás összeadódva a klímaváltozás generálta szélsőségekkel teljesen szétveri a gombaszezont és egyre nagyobb nyomás alá helyez minket is. Nem globális összeesküvés szerveződött ellenünk, hanem a pár évszázados ipari civilizációnk túlkapásai értek el minket. Vagy tényleg azt hitted, hogy nincs következménye az európai 85%-os erdővesztésnek, a folyószabályozásnak, az agrársivatagok kialakításának, a túl nagy mértékű széndioxid kibocsátásnak, a többi jelentősen komolyabb mesterséges szennyezőanyagaink kiszórásáról nem is szólva.
A haldokló feketefenyő állomány alapvetően keveseknek tűnik fel, hiszen eleve idegenhonos fafaj az Alföldön, de pusztulása szintén jelzi a gyors változást, ami most a mi életünkben zajlik és egyre inkább a mindennapjaink része. A feketefenyő és a többi Pinus nemzetségbe tartozó fenyő elvesztése gombászként mégis csak kellemetlen, mert nagyon sok jó gombával társulnak, amik fapartnereik híján szintén el fognak tűnni Békés megyéből. De ennél is van rosszabb, a tartós szárazságok a forrósággal és csökkenő talajvízszinttel összeadódva az őshonos fás vegetációnak is a végét jelenti. A bélmegyeri fás pusztán drasztikus mértékű a sziki tölgyes pusztulása. Pedig a kocsányos tölgy a legfontosabb fafajunk helyben, aminek ökológiai és gombász értéke igen magas. A tölgy a kőrisekkel és szilekkel együtt az egykor volt keményfás ligeterdő erdő alkotói fafajai voltak. A kocsányos tölgy kipusztulása helyben nagy érvágás lesz nekünk gombászoknak, de addigra már mi is érezni fogjuk az életszínvonalunk bezuhanásán az elszabadult klímaváltozást, amit mi gyorsítottunk fel.
Öt napja volt a Föld napja, amit érdemes lenne átnevezni az "Emberiség fennmaradásáért" világnapra, ugyanis nem a bolygó van veszélyben, de még nem is a földi élet, hanem mi magunk. Tudom, tudom, a legostobább indok a passzivitásra, hogy én azt már nem élem meg, de ha vannak utódaid és nekik is lesznek utódaik, na ők már garantáltan megélik a még durvább szakaszait a világunk átalakulásának! Ez a fajta jövőbe beleszarás, miközben az emberek utódokat hoznak létre, eléggé kétszínű és szemétláda viselkedés. Hát nem látod, hogy milyen gyönyörű világunk van?! Hogy ez a világ önmagában a legnagyobb értékünk?! A szomorú tény, hogy még az én alacsony életszínvonalam az ökológiai lábnyom számításom alapján 2,5 Földet igényelne, vagyis magam is részese vagyok a világunk felemésztésének. Az emberiség vakvágányra futott. Ez nem fejlődés, hanem a jelenben formálódó genocídium.
"The opening image might not seem exciting at first glance, yet it brought me joy to find water in the drainage ditch on Berzsenyi Street! I have often seen it dry, so it was a pleasant surprise to find it filled with water this time. I immediately took a photo. I also saw life-sustaining water in the meandering channel in the park, which somewhat reassured me that if the early May rains come, the wave of growth will gain strength and we will enjoy beautiful experiences. Sadly, the harsh truth is that landscape-scale desiccation, compounded by the extremes generated by climate change, is devastating the mushroom season and placing increasing pressure on us. No global conspiracy has been organized against us, but rather the excesses of our centuries-old industrial civilization have caught up with us. Or did you really think there were no consequences to the 85% loss of European forests, river regulation, the creation of agricultural deserts, excessive carbon dioxide emissions, not to mention the scattering of other significantly serious artificial pollutants?
The dying population of black pine, an exotic species in the Great Hungarian Plain, goes unnoticed by many, but its demise also signals the rapid change occurring in our lives and increasingly becoming part of our everyday existence. As a mycologist, the loss of black pine and other pines from the Pinus genus is particularly distressing because they are associated with many good fungi, which will also disappear from Békés County without their tree partners. But worse yet, the prolonged droughts combined with heat and decreasing groundwater levels spell doom for our native woody vegetation. The drastic decline of the local Quercus robur (English oak) forests in Bélmegyer is catastrophic. This oak, along with hornbeams and elms, was once a major component of the deciduous hardwood forests here. The local extinction of English oak will be a severe blow to us mycologists, but by then, we will also feel the plunge in our standard of living due to the runaway climate change we have accelerated.
It has been five days since Earth Day, which should perhaps be renamed "World Day for the Survival of Humanity," because it's not the planet that is in danger, nor yet terrestrial life, but ourselves. I know, I know, the silliest excuse for inaction is, 'I won't live to see it,' but if you have descendants, and they too will have theirs, they will assuredly experience even harsher phases of our world’s transformation! This kind of future-dumping, while people continue to procreate, is quite hypocritical and despicable. Can’t you see how beautiful our world is?! That this world is our greatest value in itself?! The sad fact is, even my modest lifestyle, based on my ecological footprint calculation, would require 2.5 Earths, meaning I too am partaking in the consumption of our world. Humanity has derailed. This is not progress, but a genocide forming in the present."
A változékony tinóruSuillellus luridus termőtestéről van sokkal szebb fotóm is, de ma pusztán csak felmérő sétát tettem (alapvetően semmi különösebbet nem remélve), így a tinóru már kifordított, megvágott termőtestéről elegendő volt a mobillal képet készítenem. Ez egy érdekes adat, mert legkorábban eddig gyökérkapcsolt gomba termőtestét május első felében találtam, április második feléből még nem volt ilyen adatom.
Ui.: Pár száz méterrel arrább egy másik lakcímen a téglavörös susulykát Inocybe erubescens is megtaláltam, vagyis ma két fákkal élő gomba korai aktivitására figyelhettem fel.
Szerdai önarckép a vizsgálóba hozott pisztricgombával. Ez egy ehető taplóféle, de csak a zsenge termőteste, amivel a képen pózoltam már öreg volt az elkészítéshez. Viszont kimondottan látványos éke volt a vizsgálónak, sokan megálltak és kérdezték tőlem, hogy milyen gomba? Egy kicsit sikerült felélénkíteni az érdeklődést a gombák iránt, amit nagyban segít a végre valahára megérkezett jelentősebb időjárás változás is, ami hála az égnek esőt hozott! Ma hajnalban arra ébredtem, hogy ismét esik az eső. Le is mentettem a radarképet, mert oly ritka látványosság lett az égi áldás. Döbbenetes mértékű aszály alakult ki már április közepére, lásd előző bejegyzésemet, tehát tényleg nagy szerencsénk van, hogy változott a légköri helyzet, azonban nem várhatunk mindig a jó fordulatra. A klímaváltozás egy olyan mértékű folyamat, ami alapjaiban változtatja meg a világunkat! Ideje tömegesen felismerni, hogy miben élünk. Ha nem változtatunk a vízzel kapcsolatos hozzáállásunkon, gyakorlatilag az éhínséget kockáztatjuk! Víz nélkül semmiféle termelés sincs, és három nap alatt szomjan halunk, ami az egyik leggyötrelmesebb halálnem. Igen, ennyire benne vagyunk a bajban. És ez nem riogatás.
Derűs katasztrófa címmel már van egy bejegyzésem a blogban, amit 2018. késő őszén írtam egy hegyvidéki gombászat után, ami több tanulsággal is szolgált számomra. A kis kép a friss aszályhelyzet Magyarországon. Soha ilyen rosszat nem láttam még nyáron sem, és csak április közepe van! Az a nagy szerencsénk, hogy a téli csapadéknak köszönhetően egy méteren a talajban még van víz, és ez élteti a növényzetet és a gombákat. Ha viszont nem jön csapadék, előbb-utóbb a mélyrétegből is elfogy a víz és akkor olyan aszály alakul ki, ami nyomban felülmúlja a 2022-es nyárit. Pedig azt már elneveztem pokolinak. Lásd abból az évből az egyik júliusi bejegyzésemet. Milyen jó, hogy már van tíz éves dokumentációm, így egyértelműen láthatóvá válik számomra, hogy régóta igen nagy bajban vagyunk, mert már 2014-ben sem volt ideális a helyzet és olyan meleg volt, hogy gombásztárs megtalálta az év első vargányáját a negyedik hónapban. A víz fontosságáról már 2012-ben írtam és azóta kongatom a vészharangot, hogy a vízhiány kezdi veszélyeztetni a mi létezésünket is. Ha nincs elég víz, akkor nincs mezőgazdasági vagy ipari termelés sem, és az egész civilizációnk összeomlik. Nagyon sérülékenyek vagyunk! Most komolyan, arccal előre belemegyünk a kataklizmába?!
I managed to get back to writing in the evening, and I was able to get back into the present story and play the protagonist and the other characters. Because I create my heroes from within myself, I'm totally the inside-out type of writer. I'm very adept and spontaneous at transforming my inner tensions into someone else. (Not all my heroes are human, but I can even play them if I spend enough time with them.) For my current story, I have an easy job because I have human characters and I've set the fictional medieval world as a backdrop, based on real historical European kingdoms. As I live in a country that was once also a kingdom and full of historical memories, it is not so difficult to imagine the world that gives the background to the story, and I supplement my own subject knowledge with recent reading on the subject. But world-building is less important than the acting of the characters, because it is true that the story is derived from the characters, shaped by their choices and the way they interact, and the protagonist, in the face of opposing forces, is also striving towards his goal, while having to discover his true needs and the hidden flaws he must reveal in himself if he is to achieve his goal. Yep, I write character-driven drama even if I'm otherwise writing technically somewhere between 4-5 on a list of ten, which is a far cry from classic fiction. But I take the dynamics between the characters very seriously, as they hide their true intentions and go give and take, sometimes helping each other, sometimes playing off each other, and I simultaneously produce and enjoy the story. When I can see through the eyes of the author and the protagonist at the same time, because they're both me, huh, my mind spins at top speed. Then, when I've completed a task in the weaving of the story, I drop the serotonin bomb and start one of the songs I've chosen for the story and I celebrate. I take Robert McKee's textbook Story seriously. I've read it twice so far, and I've made notes on the chapters. I always have the second note with me, because I read it when I get stuck. The question of the dilemma has made me think particularly deeply. Because Robert McKee is absolutely right that the protagonist does not have to choose between right and wrong, but must make a choice in which he also suffers loss and fully understands and accepts the consequences of his choice. I have succeeded in creating four choices for Alexander Ravenwood, and each is more chaotic than the last. One in particular is life-threateningly risky, but as Alexander is 17, and therefore full of adolescent verve, he considers even that a possibility. Then common sense prevails, and he chooses the one that the opposing forces originally intended for him, but Alexander has made a plan for himself by now and the "battle of kings" has begun. Even though Alexander, because of his original gender, has no chance in this fight. The story reveals what on earth I have dreamed up and what kind of story I have written. I may be writing a pulpfiction with a many of sex scenes, but this is a character-driven drama in which the brutality of life flashes out from among the many little bits of bait-and-switch. Meanwhile, Alexander is a minor character in the story of his little brother Gabriel, where the preparations for war between the kings are already in full swing. Alexander's story is Moonviolet, Gabriel's is The Red Prince, which I also call Twisted Red. Classic storytelling, great play is still amazing fun that can enthrall and enchant. It's really amazing to be an author and a hero at the same time, running my real life in parallel with fictional lives and seeing both the real and the never-been, what yet so familiar as I am creating myself from myself. P.S.: The title of this entry is the last line of a Hungarian poem, Mihály Vörösmarty, from Thoughts in the library. Because that is my motto as a creator.
The truth is that I'm not mentally well at all, because I had some traumas in several stages of my childhood, which caused some minor or major dysfunctions in my nervous system. On a better late than never basis, I found schema therapy, one of the national literature of which was published in 2021 and is right here on my desk. I discovered the avoidant personality disorder first in myself, then I'm at the point where I'm head-scratching in front of my neurotic punitive parenting mode that openly wishes me dead. Being with such a cruel "voice" in the mind is not only overwhelming, it is stressful as hell. For so many years, it was the dreaming that kept me alive, and how the mind began to create concrete heroes in night dreams that miraculously transformed the distressing reality into a story with a possible solution to the tormenting conflict through the hero. There is no consolation in the saying that "every cloud has a silver lining", because it would have been really good to spare, among other things, the insanely high anxiety. Then there's also the fact that if you've been thoroughly mentally beaten over the head by others, your odd behaviour is later identified with you and you're simply labelled a fool. And from this comes further anguish (injury). Well, I hope you understand now where my strange attitude towards people and life comes from. It's not pessimism, but lessons learned from experience. I try to get rid of my shemas as quickly as possible because I wasted too much time on them. It would be nice to finally see my true personality, because my heroes show that I'm quite different.
Rabbit-hearted Merwil was my first adult hero in January 2002. Well, yes, I was 24 in the prime of my life and he gave me a crazy adventure, my hero who I've loved ever since, who can always make me laugh because he's the joy of life incarnate in me, with whom strange and absurd things always happen. And I, as an observer of his adventures, laugh with him. It would be nice to have a friend like him in real life, but I have yet to find one there. But his story has a serious dramatic basis, otherwise what happens to him later would not be so amusing and ironic. I learned a lot from my traumas. They form the black stone foundation of my personality, like a dark tomb where ivy has grown and birds nest in the green and dandelions grow around it on the ground and sometimes a light breeze brings sweet scents and the sun shines on it, but the stench of rot and death is still there. Never believe me, I'll make you laugh, only to find I've given you an emotional low blow. Even in the midst of the most hilarious tomfoolery, I am aware that brutality is part of human nature and that all hell can break loose at any moment. Oh, my traumas didn't make me a fool, they made me a wise human. Ah, but now I'm having a great time. In the midst of all this shit, bringing my heroes to life, making them visible, is a sweet delight that drops a serotonin bomb on my mind. Clicking on the third link in the post, Merwil mentions a children's story that I created a song for using AI. It gets much better. This is the first attempt. Okay, I just want to create for the rest of my life. There's been enough tears, misery, anguish, pointless torture. I want joy more than anything, and to resolve my conflicts through storytelling.
"The artificial island near the south pole was besieged by waves, and the stormy wind carved through the metal landing strip with ice crystals. The single-person air courier's engines struggled against the storm as the pilot executed the landing. It seemed as if he had stepped out of his coat, practically shedding the small aircraft and stood firm on the artificial surface. The icy wind caught his body but couldn’t lift him; he held his ground. A half-smile flashed across his grim face as the little air courier secured itself before the wind could blow it off the surface. A yellow light flashed on the gray concrete building's wall, signaling the gate opening. He headed towards the entrance, assessing the terrain, searching for potential dangers. Yet, he was he who had approved the construction, and it was his job duty to conduct a quarterly inspection of the secret it contained. His footsteps resonated on the metal floor, and the storm’s howling instantly ceased as the gate closed behind him. Security lights came on, appearing bright after the outside dimness. However, beyond the row of lights, another light flickered, swiftly scanning him. His rock-gray eyes twitched at the sight of the free-roaming phenomenon. Until now, the light had never left the immediate vicinity of the omega. He took years to realize that the omega and the light phenomenon were two separate entities, and the latter was just as intelligent, thus entitled to the intelligent life forms' rights of the Milky Way. If anyone besides him and the president knew about the secret discovered six years ago after a peculiar night spent celebrating humanity's admission into the Milky Way alliance with the president. Among the variety of alien beings at the celebration, he was protecting the president. Yet, something diverted him from his duty. To this day, he couldn’t decide what happened, but the experience left a lasting mark on the world, a sweet little baby playing the next day in the congress center’s grand hall under the fancy sign welcoming the friendly meeting between humanity and Milky Way species. He voluntarily took up the anomaly’s custody, to destroy it if necessary. Unfortunately, the president was a woman, and despite all possible risks, the little one received presidential protection. According to Margaret de Liu, the boy was humanity was gifted, and it was their duty to take care of it, and with that momentum, she handed the baby over to him, who immediately fell asleep in his arms. The president shed tears of moved emotion, never imagining her stern bodyguard to be a man of feeling, and if she didn’t already have three husbands, she’d promptly offer marriage and they raise the sweet little tyke as a big family. As an earthist, he opposed the excessive openness towards alien races, but 84% of humans voted for joining the Milky Way alliance because the “aliens,” despite all their unusual traits, wanted to help humanity facing extinction. New fields of science emerged, space biology, space mechanics, space psychology, and with borrowed spaceships, space exploration became possible until humanity could develop its own travel solutions. Author’s note: Due to different physical and mental constitutions, mitigating the effects of space travel required unique solutions. In his youth, he was a space explorer, surveying habitable planets for humans as part of a security officers’ team in a borrowed vessel from the Echeno species. He learned for life not every bil (proven intelligent life form) was a friendly fairy, rather he saying “atoms on the baddies.” Unfortunately, he had to keep his observations to himself because the dreadful incident, which he narrated differently as the sole survivor, didn’t fit into the happy overall picture. The Trekkies’ sweetest dreams came true by the end of the 23rd century. Indeed, the present was idyllic, and the omega was the icing on the cake, as searching for a cuter pup would have been in vain. Yes, he even checked the outer terrains’ database for any similarity. The investigation results clearly showed the omega was human with distinguishable paternal genes, but the maternal DNA strand was indecipherable. That is, they found the organic keys which, however, kept changing. Despite the anomaly observed in the omega’s bodily cells, it was a sweet little child. Too adorable, really. The light flashed again, and this time, rapid footsteps accompanied it. The omega, in a white pajama, ran towards him, blonde hair fluttering, and blue eyes reflecting the innocent happiness characteristic of children. The light, now taking a definite shape, resembled a glowing angel girl following the omega. As if they were siblings. Twins born at the same time. Another mystery with no acceptable explanation. The six-year-old form of the boy halted before him, saluted while trembling all over, trying to remain formal and not ask for a hug. Anyone else would have melted and immediately picked him up to fulfill every wish with a song. But he was hardened by the hell of planet 137 and resisted the senseless urge. “If you try to escape, it’s minus twenty Celsius outside with hurricane-force winds and ten-meter-high waves. You’d die instantly.” “Then teach me swimming another time. Shall we watch Merlin and Willy’s adventures together?” “I’ll watch from the monitor. Too much work.” “Let’s sing the magic song together! Please! While I accompany you. Too bad you’re always in a hurry. There are so many toys here, why don’t you stay?” “I’m doing my job.” “By looking after me?” “In a way, yes.” “When will you take me with you? Just like Merlin taught Willy magic and they lived through fabulous adventures together.” “The magic is already here.” “You mean the Light! It thinks you’re not really grumpy, just scared of something, just like me. There are monsters in the dark, but they can’t see me because Light hides me. If I were with you, I wouldn’t be afraid at all.” “You remind me of another little boy who fantasized about space adventures. The world is dangerous, full of monsters as you say. But you’re safe here, and if anything threatened you, I’d be the first to know.” “Because you built me the bunker.” He hummed in agreement, the child’s naivety playing into his hands. “If you always do as I tell you, I’ll take you with me. But not today, you’re still too small.” “When will I be big enough?” “When you reach my shoulder and complete all modules of your training plan.” “And you haven’t done anything suspicious that could endanger Earth,” he added in his thoughts. A golden light flashed before his face. And he saw a peculiar scene, the omega rapidly fluttering its eyelashes while the light apparition blinked. They communicated in a unique variant of Morse code. This was new, another sign of the extraordinary relationship between the omega and the phenomenon. “What were you talking about?” - He managed to ask in the most natural tone. “Routine and years,” he thought to himself. “Light thinks you’re hiding something. That’s so exciting! I can keep secrets. Will you tell me?” He was telling the truth. “I’m working on a big plan that will ensure humanity's safety. But you can’t help in this yet.” “When I’m big, right?” “Yes, then we’ll work together.” “Why are you sad?” “Too much work. And I’m already late. Better sing your little song!” “It’s my birthday. Can I have a request?” “If it’s feasible, tell me.” “Call me Merwil.” “Merlin, the wizard rabbit, and Willy, the magician’s apprentice combined.” “Yes, … sir!” He saw such joy and hope in the omega’s seemingly childlike eyes that his knees buckled, wanting to bend down to embrace him. A servo motor hitch sobered him up. The mechanical augmentations to his severely damaged body reminded him not to make the mistake of falling for appearances again. However, he knew he could permanently win over the omega, which could also prove useful if he made minor concessions to him. “I’ll enter it into your file. From today, you are officially Merwil. Okay, okay. Too much light. I can’t see anything. Let’s practice working together. How does that song go? The melody is familiar. I hum, and you sing, Merwil.” He felt a slight pain inside. A twinge at the connection point between his organic and mechanical parts in the chest area. That’s what he attributed the discomfort to. Those blue eyes were filled with trust, hope, and joy, in a very human childlike manner. And child looked up at him. While he looked down into the abyss, where monsters moved, into which he once descended and was forever changed because the hoped-for miracle was a lie. He learned from it. Now it will be different, and he will use the omega for humanity's benefit. Surprisingly, it was easy. Deceiving a child in a controlled environment was fairy-tale simple. Indeed, he carefully built and arranged the “bunker,” a clever trap for the omega, or Merwil."
Note: I have worked on this one tiny detail for eight hours, and it feels far from perfect, which means that writing is an extremely time-consuming activity for me as I approach fifty. Twenty years earlier, at twenty-six, I was considerably faster and more industrious. Those days are gone, so there's no way I'll ever fully develop any of my stories. That is the fate that will befall Star City Roulette, for which I have written a possible introduction. I've definitely got older and it's a different thing to work on a scene. I've always enjoyed playing the characters and it's become even more intense. Actually, writing and publishing a novel, "authorial success", is an unattainable goal, but playing is still a wonderful and demanding task, which requires my whole being, and I find it a very intense experience. I simply surrender to the magic and disappear completely into another world, while my physical body lingers in this oppressive serene hell. Simply enjoy the little I show you from my infinite imagination.
