No money, no community, no nature

All I have left of the four riches is knowledge.
I surrounded myself with books. I've been reading for weeks, increasing my knowledge. Two years of Covid ruined my offline human relationships, two years of drought ruined my forest. As an intellectual freelancer, I never had much income, but the fall in the forint makes my salary worth even less. I have been struggling with mood swings for months. Although, come to think of it, I've managed to get through the growing crisis pretty cheaply so far. Of the four riches, knowledge is what keeps me going. But I suffer from a feeling of uselessness. As a creator, I want to make an impact on the world. It sounds stupid, but I'm bored with my life. I'm angry at the waste of my time. I find my creative projects pointless. Who do I write or photograph for?! I cry out into the wilderness.

I was born in Hungary, my mother tongue is Hungarian, and for more than ten years I have been writing and photographing the dwindling natural heritage of my homeland. Do you think I have achieved anything? Here is the blog and I am in the same wilderness as a nobody. At least I'm alive. Many people I knew and followed have died. But I have no reason to continue with my local creative projects. The unfolding global crisis is hitting my country first. There is nothing worse than senseless suffering. Hungarians learn nothing, even though the 20th century has taught us many hard lessons. I am angered by the deliberate stupidity. And I despair at the spreading malice and envy and indifference. Being Hungarian is a curse.
As a child, I experienced one of the cruelest punishments, exclusion. I was fourteen when I first made a friend. I was never a social person. I work alone. However, as an artist I need an audience, I need a well-functioning society in which I can be effective. My crisis is a crisis of community. The community is in crisis because we have destroyed nature. We have lost nature, the only source of the truths of existence. ... My focus is starting to fall apart. I'm stuck in one place. Because I experienced as a child that I don't matter. Time to get my affairs in order. What do I regret the most? It is the curse of the artist if he cannot make an impact.
I'm making a new plan.

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