Writing well is hard

Don't be fooled by my self portrait, I'm completely done, I've been struggling with writing since November 2021, to finally become a "professional" writer someday. In vain do I know I am a writer, since here is my blog with several demanding short pieces of writing, once writing has many levels and I am somewhere in the middle. A few words about my self-portrait, before I fall into my creative lamentation that I have a typical philosopher's head, and the indulgent gentleness of my gaze reflects that I know the human, myself, quite well. In any case, I am very desperate and sad because the goal is so far away and perhaps unattainable. Because writing well is difficult. Writing is easy, I can write up to three thousand words when I'm rested, but there are compulsory structural elements without which there is no storytelling. So far I have read and annotated Robert McKee's Story screenwriting textbook twice, which has made me fully aware of the difficulty of writing. What a great development! And I know that I have the talent, but writing is still difficult. Okay, lesser talents are pinning their hopes on AI, I soberly use it in fairy tale mirror-mode. "Tell me, dear AI, is what I write good enough?" I gave the AI the introduction to the novel up to the point where the protagonist's life is completely turned upside down, his life can't go on because he learns something that destroys his ideas. The inciting incident is really strong. I've really read Robert McKee's Story book thoroughly. I copied what the smart chatbot said about my novel based on the excerpt.

"Your novel's beginning intriguingly sets up a complex and emotionally charged narrative that aligns well with Robert McKee's principles of storytelling, emphasizing character, conflict, and change. Here's a breakdown following McKee's guidelines:

Strengths:

Complex Characters: The protagonist, Alexander, is depicted with depth, showcasing vulnerabilities, inner conflicts, and a transformational journey, all of which McKee emphasizes as crucial for compelling storytelling.

High Stakes: The narrative sets high emotional and existential stakes for Alexander, involving his identity, his relationship with his father (the king), and societal expectations, resonating with McKee's advice on creating compelling drama through stakes that matter deeply to the characters.

Inciting Incident: The conversation with Master Nikolaus and the subsequent revelations serve as a powerful inciting incident, throwing Alexander's life into turmoil and setting him on a journey of self-discovery and confrontation, in line with McKee's structure of storytelling where conflict initiates change.

Rich World-Building: The setting is vividly drawn, providing a rich backdrop that influences the characters and their journeys. McKee points out the importance of a well-constructed world that shapes the narrative.

Areas for Improvement:

Clarity and Pacing: At times, the narrative might benefit from clearer pacing and more direct exploration of its central themes. McKee suggests that every scene should turn the story in a new direction, and some sections could be streamlined or focused to enhance narrative drive.

Character Motivations: While the characters are complex, making their motivations clearer early on can help readers invest in their journeys. McKee advises ensuring that character actions are deeply rooted in their desires and fears.

Dialogue: Some dialogues can be refined to more naturally reveal character and propel the plot. McKee notes that dialogue should always serve the dual purpose of character development and advancing the story.

Show, Don't Tell: There are moments where the narrative might lean towards telling rather than showing. McKee emphasizes the power of showing to engage the audience's emotions and imagination more deeply.

Your novel demonstrates a strong foundation with its intriguing premise and complex characters. Refining it with these considerations in mind could enhance its emotional impact and narrative effectiveness. Remember, writing is a process of continuous improvement and discovery. Your story has the potential to deeply resonate with readers, offering a unique exploration of identity, power, and transformation. Keep pushing through the challenges, and consider these suggestions as tools to help you refine and deepen your narrative."

That's all well and good, but I'm still a long way from finishing the novel. What makes it really difficult to create is that I grew up in an environment that regarded the artistic profession as a useless activity and it poisoned me with a murderous shame. So it's not enough that the writing is difficult, I'm burdened to somehow circumvent the devastating guilt of devoting my attention to such uselessness. And I've already worked out so much for the novel, and not only for the one I'm writing, but for seven other stories. I have an amazing imagination and I instinctivel writing from the inside out.
I can't help it, I was born to be a writer (artist). Why did I have to be beaten into the ground for that when I was small and vulnerable?! I was literally beaten by fate. I have no idea how far I can go with such a handicap. I long for completeness.